Old School Wealth

Shania Twain knows how to be rich. I'm thinking these days that the older gen celebrities (the un-problematic ones) really were the ones who knew how to be rich, really. None of these “I am so relatable” shit. For them, it seemed to be: buy a mansion off the grid, dress in fabulously rich clothes, get a flying pony and just be inaccessible. Come catch me in my gold-plated mansion eating gold flakes for breakfast, you know. Honestly though: why be relatable when one is so rich? I wouldn’t be.

Shania Twain, though. The woman has property fit for royalty in Switzerland, overlooking Lake Geneva. A mansion like a castle and property big enough to ride horses all day basically. I think right now, Shania is doing a Vegas residency. She’s doing the whole pop star thing. But once the residency is over, she will return to Geneva, take off her shoes and just live off the Vegas money. That, I believe, is the way to live, man!

If I envy a rich person, I would envy her. She’s very old school glam. She’s considered one of the most humble, down-to-earth people among the Larger Than Life celebrities. I don’t think anyone would consider her “relatable” insofar as "one-of-us", though. And there is no call for it. Shania stands on a pedestal. That’s the way to be a superstar IMHO. Her “relatability” is more like royal family relatability, as in not even close to, but we both have kidneys and we also both hate Mondays and we both fell in love once, kind of a deal.

There are two things that Shania has said in her autobiography From This Moment On that has stood out for me. I’d read it way back in 2012 so the details are a little hazy for me now but I remember how she measured her poverty growing up with needing to wash her socks by hand. In India, we’d call that middle-class. She also mused about how poverty in her day forced her to eat vegetables and she grew up healthy, whereas today cheap food would be processed food and so poverty would lead to obesity. I’ve always been intrigued by this. That was good food for thought, pun intended.

They say there is no such thing as an ethical billionaire. I remember JK Rowling falling off the pedestal of billionaires because she donated so much money to charity and that’s nice. There’s Taylor Swift who’s become a billionaire recently from her songs alone and I hear a lot of donation and bonus-to-staff stories so that’s sweet too; she’s still a billionaire though. The reasoning behind the absolutist statement is that there is never a cause justifiable for any one person ever to own that big a share of the global wealth.

When you talk about absolute wealth in 2024, it is hard not to bring up the Ambani wedding. I have difficulty stringing up 2 lakh rupees and I hear their wedding invitation is worth Rs 3 lakh apiece. Nita Ambani wore an emerald necklace the size of soapbars for the pre-wedding jam that should be about 4% of Mizoram budget. I mean… damn. Apparently there’s also a 9-page dress code. Guess I wouldn’t be attending it in my jeans and sneakers. 

We look at wealth differently and spend our money differently. But I think all in all, ethics or no ethics, gaudy or classy, whatever it is, Shania Twain’s version of wealth is the way to go. Live it up! Then go back to Lake Geneva and ride a horse, watch the sunset from a sofa by a fire on your lawn, and sing a few country songs.

Oh and be pretty. I get inordinately angry at rich people who are ugly. With all the services available. Not to mention medical advances. Perhaps a topic for another day.

UGLY

I judge ugly rich people. Very much. I feel like if you are rich, the least you should do is be good looking. Or at least make yourself look good. A little bit more than presentable. In this day and age, HOW can you be so stupid to still be ugly?! Like fine don’t give to charity and what not but wealth and looks are things everyone tries to get. And if you have wealth, looks is easy to get. So get it.

Even in Mizoram, no one wants to be ugly anymore. People are into rhinoplasty, lasik, permanent beauty tattoos, micro-bladings, micro-shadings, fillers, botox, transplants, maybe not tanning but more like fairness treatments, and so much makeup. It’s dazzling. And enchanting. The end result is aesthetically pleasing. As it should be. Cavemen were ugly. By 2024, there should be a lot more beauty around. 

Or at least have a USP. Even if you do not aim to be or want to be conventionally attractive, get a team to style you. Look eclectic maybe. I mean I am OK with Mark Zuckerberg because his whole thing is NERD. Or maybe Android Nerd, IDK. Maybe. Point is, he owns the look. So I let him off the hook. He looks like a creepy android but we’ll give him a pass. 

Mukesh Ambani, for another, is from an older generation. Maybe it's too late for him to be looking good. Ah but you have to hand it to Mukesh that he looks scary. Like he would fuck you up if you cross him vibes. That’s a definite USP. Also the man has so much money what does it matter? I mean this man has a Snow Room in Antilia, just in case Mumbai’s temperature soars and he has no time to retreat to the Swiss Alps or wherever. Or conversely, for when he has no time to go out in the sun to get Vitamin-D, the building simply provides it for him via the walls. Special materials, or something. Private rooftop helipad? Three in Antilia, thank yew. I mean, he can afford to be ugly.

Beauty is also very much in the eyes of the beholder. I love how Dolly Parton always laughs off any criticisms to her dedication to looking like the town trollop. Quite aside from the quick-witted, hilarious replies she flirtily delivers whenever people question her on her whorish look, like how she drawls: it takes a lot of time and money to look this cheap, honey, I think this is also a calculated move. In a celebrity-worshipping culture as inherent as in the US, this OTT look would always ensure she can go incognito whenever she likes. She just has to not be Dolly. The ultimate Superman/Clark Kent IRL. She created herself an Image. In which she has built an escape for when she needs it. Smart. Like she says: I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

So no. I’m not talking about a specific ideal of beauty. Just don’t be ugly. We expect it of people. Standards, basically. No matter how hard some people may push for it, total egalitarianism is never something that is remotely desirable. We are different. It is what pushes civilizations forwards. Difference. Symbiosis. Each doing their parts. The limbs, the hearts, the brains, the kidneys, you get the idea. Like how we expect pastors and elders to have better functioning homes and better behaved children; it’s just in the job description. If you’re going to be telling other people to be better, demonstrate. We know you’re only human. But if you’re going to give, be prepared to get as well.

And so rich people need to be better at it. Stop being ugly. Do more. Be more. Live more. We will all judge each other constantly on how we look. Stop expecting people to be equally nice and deferent to everyone. It just does not work. Better yet, stop judging people when they do not defer to you when you show up at their places looking like a mildly bankrupt farmer just home from IDK pig rearing. Show people a little respect and look your part. That way, everything is easier on all of us. You’re rich, you can afford shoes that do not pinch. Because of course no one will treat the Queen of England the same way they treat a random chai-wallah. It is just what it is. 

Also in these the days of the Gram, a lot of us live vicariously through you. Be better. Step up.