Pawprints On The Heart: An Eulogy

I buried my eleven years old fat calico cat one August evening in 2024. Her name was Nihawiparmawii. I did not come up with the name nor did I like it overmuch. She had once belonged to an old lady in Sikulpuikawn. But the woman could no longer house her because I think her house was already overrun with cats. My sister’s friend asked if we could home her. I said no. My sister said yes. So we brought her home in a cardboard box one cold, rainy winter afternoon in 2013. The woman was sad to give her up and asked that we retain the name. I thought the name was ridiculous but I agreed.

It is human to name their pets. But all cat owners know cats don’t really respond to their human-given names. Besides, how do you even call anyone Nihawiparmawii? So I cut it short to Nix. And Nix she remained. Nix knew her name. She was one of the few cats who actually responded to the name. When she deigned to, of course.

Nix bonded with me easily. If you asked me proof of cats having nine lives, I'd point you to Nix. She fought odds and won. Until the end, she was loving and sweet. Very definitely she was cantankerous and dramatic, too, but she was so pretty we always forgave her. She liked big fishes, hated small fish and would never touch smoked fish. She liked maize and wet cat food. She grew so fat her last couple of years that people often thought she was pregnant. She even started resembling a fat-bellied koi fish from the top. She liked to purr and rest her warm paws and belly on my thighs. 

The day I placed her in the coffin my dad made and my mum placed laces on, her paws were ice cold. It broke my heart. In the eleven years I’d known Nix, I’d never known her to have cold paws. Her paws were always pink and warm. Sometimes, when I was wearing shorts and she slept on my legs and she finally got up, her paw prints would leave an imprint on my thighs. I always loved that. 

Nix changed houses thrice in her life. She was always enraged every time that happened. In all times, my sister was the one who placed her in boxes. As a result Nix never trusted her. Me, she trusted and loved though. From the first day home, she followed me everywhere. When I wouldn’t let her sleep in my bed, she’d climb on my mosquito net and nest there; it was just easier to give in and allow her bed space. She’d follow me to the bathroom every time I went in to take bath and inspect all the water she’d find there with curiosity. One day I decided to give her a bath. She didn’t know what to expect so I could manage. But never again. I don’t know if you’ve ever been scolded by a cat. If you have, you’d understand too exactly what they meant. We came to a truce. No one ever gave her water baths again, but she would remain impeccably clean the rest of her life. I guess I remain the only human who gave her a water bath in her 11 years alive; let's just call it a feat of love on both our parts.

Nix was my little fat and angry Sunflower. It is funny to reflect on how we didn’t speak the same language but over time learned to communicate anyway. Mostly with her getting angry and me giving in. It feels wrong and empty to come home and not have her greet me at the door. She always had a lot to say. I’d have liked more days of her losing her temper with me. But I count myself blessed she chose me as her human. I’ll hope to see her again beyond the rainbow bridge. 

The sky shed tears over her grave the day I buried her, the same as it had sent showers of blessings the day I brought her home to me. Maybe it was the same rain.

Nix, b. Monsoon 2013, d. 6th August, 2024

Cat-holic

Atu once laughed at me and accused me of having this parasocial relationship with Taylor Swift.

I was thinking about it this morning and realised that yes, she’s right, no arguments, but this is very me coded. Because when I thought about it, I already had one with almost everything else I like. My obsession with pop culture elements I am fond of should already have indicated this. Potterverse, Whoniverse, Guide-verse... I am always that obsessed fanatic. Even with food although that's perhaps a topic for another day.

Also cats. Which was why I’d started thinking about this. I was just watching my cat bathe herself and said: Nix is such a nice wonderful person. And my family is just as bad. Feli was like: she can even travel and shift homes. Then Lee chimed in with: yes, she's shifted homes thrice, yet she knows where to go home to, she's so wise and capable of change. And Nix was just sitting there, bathing herself.

Which reminded me of the other night, again Nix was just sleeping and most of my family was just looking at her and going: Nix is super bitchy, she doesn't tolerate others, she doesn't make friends. And it's just the funniest thing because literally all the cat was doing was sleeping.

Meanwhile, the humans around her are just creating this whole delulu life where she is sometimes wise beyond her cat-abilities, yet sometimes she is dumb as a rock, sometimes she is kind and gentle and sweet, sometimes she is mean and jugdmental... and all the cat does is live her life!!! She sleeps, eats her body weight in food, bathes, demands random un-understandable shit in cat language and sleeps. We've created this entire world we share with her and the cat is just... a cat! This realisation has got me laughing.

The fact that I have a parasocial cultic relationship with Taylor should therefore not be surprising because I do that shit even with my cat, fecking.

Atu has always said the both of us are easy prey for cults. She’d say: I don’t know why one of them hasn't recruited us yet since we are easy pickins. She’s right, too. We’d be easy to recruit. Even in Christian denominations, my sisters and I have always said that we'd have made such great Catholics – all those rites and rituals and burning candles, we'd have been so into that whole thing. It’s just a pity we weren’t born into one. In fact, us sisters and Atu included could have been open to some witchcraft religion too, had the opportunity presented itself to us. I don't think we'd be in those satanic deity cults because you know, born into Presbyterian/Baptist church and all that. To say the least, we’d be too self-conscious. But ya, witchcraft like mix the herbs, make moonwater, light the incense sticks, dance in the moonlight, read tarot cards, observe summer solstice... whoo, I'd be into that! 

As it is, even when I only attend Sunday Schools while close to everyone else in Mizoram seems to attend church at least 4x a week, I am truly concerned about attending certain services with extra rituals in it such as Maundy Thursday Communion, Christmas and Good Friday/Easter services, Year-End service with Commemoration for the dead… I hardly ever miss those.

Also with Nix, she is very close to us, her humans. But she’s also fiercely independent. And she hates water so I’ve bathed her exactly once in her life; she was so angry none of us have ever dared to again. Unlike our other cats who take water baths about once a fortnight. Nix has also been put in a box three times in her life to change homes. All three times, Eli was the one who put her there and carried her. So she associates boxes and being trapped with Eli; she never lets Eli touch her. And we think this is why she bullies Eli’s dog, the honorary cat Snowy. See how easy I venture into my world of delulu world-building where Nix is almost human, the way we talk about her.

Like I said, Cat-holic.