In Pursuit of Happiness

What is this life if, full of care, the poet asked, we have no time to stand and stare? It was true in 1911 when W H Davies wrote it to begin his muse on Leisure. It is true today. We just forget to stand and stare every once in a while.

Navigating life is difficult. We are no islands, just thriving on our own in the middle of oceans. We are social beings, interacting with multiple people and seemingly endless varieties of beings and circumstances. But however social we are, there is a part of us that yearns to find meaning and contentment that does not rest on us being social. That indefinable something that is ours alone. Although I suppose indefinable mostly because there is no one stop solution that fits all, and all of us define it in our own ways – the pursuit of happiness, so to speak.

In a close-knit and community-based society as mine is, it is hard to find the courage to define this happiness for ourselves. Most people are extremely eager – zealous might be a better word – to define it for us. Get married, get a child, get a job, get a house, buy some land, buy a car, a bike, an iPhone, gold jewelry… endless lists. Like we have been sent here on earth to fulfil an already-defined role the way Mario is programmed to go on a quest to defeat Bowser and his ilk and rescue Princess Peach.

But are we Mario? And if we are, who is Bowser and where is Princess Peach? We grow up to find that we are no Marios, there is no Bowser and Princess Peach is an illusion. Ecclesiastes was always right: everything under the sun is meaningless. It has always been up to us to define what meaning we choose to assign to things, people and situations. To Life itself. Choice: that’s what it always comes down to – from Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden to Apostle John in his nightmare of a revelation.

To be or not to be, as the bard would say.

I think it was that mood-killer Nietzsche who warned us to be careful while fighting monsters that we do not become one ourselves, because when we gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes back into us. As young men, we fight injustice and inequality with society (and religion usually) as our weapon of choice and the Abyss stares back quietly at us and watch us in the process become that very institution which we fought. Sometimes the years reveal this in people; sometimes even Age never uncovers this veil. What is interesting is that sometimes we may not even be actively fighting monsters but just abiding with society’s biddings to avoid conflict so much so that we get to a point where we become as one with it, losing our own selves in the process. This is perhaps the part where we start obsessing with others, measuring ourselves and our worth solely against theirs, hating the Freedom we think they have, needing to have them acquiesce and be one of us, misery loving and desiring the company. The Abyss doesn’t just stare back; it winks.

Ecclesiastes says there is nothing new in this earth, that what once was will be again. I think this is very true of Life. The more things change, the more they remain exactly the same. We have always wanted to belong, and we have always wanted to come into our own. To find a balance, I would say then, is our alchemist’s gold. Like Santiago would find, when you want something bad enough, the whole Universe would conspire to help you get it. But you need to define your Purpose and start the journey, be that Andalusian shepherd boy who travelled to Egypt to find treasures. There are some adventures you must undertake alone, helped and aided by your support system very much yes, but essentially alone. That sweet spot between being a part of the System and being your own Self at the same time is a delicate balance. Unfortunately, I find this to be a battle most of us in Society deem not worth the fight or the hassle.

We lose ourselves in the system, think we are bigger than we are, or smaller than we are. Yet we do not introspect and our self-awareness becomes limited to a Mirror Image alone of how we think other people see us. We stop to stand and stare at the places in the woods where squirrels hide their nuts, forget to gaze for long at streams full of stars in broad daylight, like skies at night, never pausing long enough to watch the smile in people’s eyes reach their lips. Finding ourselves is a time-consuming and life-altering process and we can get by OK without any true measure of self-actualization so a lot of us don't even try. Ever consumed with the need to be who we think people want us to be, we forget to be us.

To paraphrase the poet again, a poor life this indeed is if, full of care, we have no time to stand and stare.

Anger

The Hogwarts crest says: Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus.

Now I take quite the issue at people who say that anger reveals your true personality. As if everything else is an Image. Fake. I don’t buy it for the very specific reason that we are not one-dimensional characters. A lot of different things make us up.

By which I mean that Mr. Hyde may be one of our personalities but we could also be Dr. Jekyll. It’s just opposite sides of a spectrum.

Which brings me to another point that force-suppressing innermost unhappiness and dissatisfaction could manifest in the ugliest ways. Dr Bruce Banner may be the personality people best know, but once The Hulk is forced out, that’s who people will remember. Is that anything remotely good? The Hulk destroys a lot of things. Things that never needed to be destroyed if pressure was just let off here and there. That’s how pressure cookers work, a lot of inside pressure released periodically. Job done.

And also conversely, but along the same tangent, the other side of the coin, so to speak, it would be grand if we’d just learn to never tickle sleeping dragons. That, by the way, is what the Hogwarts crest says in English.

Sometimes we just push and push people until they crack. And then we shake our heads and say: I knew it. It’s not so much an Aha! moment as it is unfortunate that we force people to reveal the worst of themselves. Then we forget everything good about them. We forget when they’ve shown exceeding kindness or just a congenial personality which, let's face it, is who most of us are. It’s how we survive in society, flying under radars. Conforming. Making the best of situations. Ranting and amiably verbally abusing authorities in the safety of friend groups.

We are not any of us cut out in black and white. We are multi-dimensional beings just shuffling along. For the Christian community, who pressure each other to be passive-aggressive and sort of suppress a lot of emotions and glory in suffering silently, we are often told to emulate Jesus. What Would Jesus Do, right? But even in this realm of ethics, WWJD technically includes flipping over tables and chairs and people’s businesses at a temple/church because he got angry. Are we really going to say that that violent nature is his “one true” personality?

Sometimes I think because we don't like some people, it is difficult for us to accept that they are decent people. Maybe they're just mean to us. Maybe we just rub them the wrong way. Human life is often not a zero sum game. 

Anger is not the worst thing that can happen to a person. Anger gets a lot of things done. It moves a lot of things. It has altered courses of history. Controlling it is something we must do. Because too much of anything is never good. But otherwise, in and of itself, not the worst. And unless it is psycho level anger issues, just a part of a healthy psyche.

You should watch Inside Out by Pixar. I highly recommend. Also read Tales of Earthsea by Ursula Le Guin. That will teach you about dragons, too. Also maybe watch Avatar, the bald head monk one, not the blue people one. 

Dragons, the other side. Still, don’t tickle them.

UGLY

I judge ugly rich people. Very much. I feel like if you are rich, the least you should do is be good looking. Or at least make yourself look good. A little bit more than presentable. In this day and age, HOW can you be so stupid to still be ugly?! Like fine don’t give to charity and what not but wealth and looks are things everyone tries to get. And if you have wealth, looks is easy to get. So get it.

Even in Mizoram, no one wants to be ugly anymore. People are into rhinoplasty, lasik, permanent beauty tattoos, micro-bladings, micro-shadings, fillers, botox, transplants, maybe not tanning but more like fairness treatments, and so much makeup. It’s dazzling. And enchanting. The end result is aesthetically pleasing. As it should be. Cavemen were ugly. By 2024, there should be a lot more beauty around. 

Or at least have a USP. Even if you do not aim to be or want to be conventionally attractive, get a team to style you. Look eclectic maybe. I mean I am OK with Mark Zuckerberg because his whole thing is NERD. Or maybe Android Nerd, IDK. Maybe. Point is, he owns the look. So I let him off the hook. He looks like a creepy android but we’ll give him a pass. 

Mukesh Ambani, for another, is from an older generation. Maybe it's too late for him to be looking good. Ah but you have to hand it to Mukesh that he looks scary. Like he would fuck you up if you cross him vibes. That’s a definite USP. Also the man has so much money what does it matter? I mean this man has a Snow Room in Antilia, just in case Mumbai’s temperature soars and he has no time to retreat to the Swiss Alps or wherever. Or conversely, for when he has no time to go out in the sun to get Vitamin-D, the building simply provides it for him via the walls. Special materials, or something. Private rooftop helipad? Three in Antilia, thank yew. I mean, he can afford to be ugly.

Beauty is also very much in the eyes of the beholder. I love how Dolly Parton always laughs off any criticisms to her dedication to looking like the town trollop. Quite aside from the quick-witted, hilarious replies she flirtily delivers whenever people question her on her whorish look, like how she drawls: it takes a lot of time and money to look this cheap, honey, I think this is also a calculated move. In a celebrity-worshipping culture as inherent as in the US, this OTT look would always ensure she can go incognito whenever she likes. She just has to not be Dolly. The ultimate Superman/Clark Kent IRL. She created herself an Image. In which she has built an escape for when she needs it. Smart. Like she says: I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

So no. I’m not talking about a specific ideal of beauty. Just don’t be ugly. We expect it of people. Standards, basically. No matter how hard some people may push for it, total egalitarianism is never something that is remotely desirable. We are different. It is what pushes civilizations forwards. Difference. Symbiosis. Each doing their parts. The limbs, the hearts, the brains, the kidneys, you get the idea. Like how we expect pastors and elders to have better functioning homes and better behaved children; it’s just in the job description. If you’re going to be telling other people to be better, demonstrate. We know you’re only human. But if you’re going to give, be prepared to get as well.

And so rich people need to be better at it. Stop being ugly. Do more. Be more. Live more. We will all judge each other constantly on how we look. Stop expecting people to be equally nice and deferent to everyone. It just does not work. Better yet, stop judging people when they do not defer to you when you show up at their places looking like a mildly bankrupt farmer just home from IDK pig rearing. Show people a little respect and look your part. That way, everything is easier on all of us. You’re rich, you can afford shoes that do not pinch. Because of course no one will treat the Queen of England the same way they treat a random chai-wallah. It is just what it is. 

Also in these the days of the Gram, a lot of us live vicariously through you. Be better. Step up.