Winning Metaphorical Cattle

I could be wildly wrong but I have long felt that “Ṭawngkam ṭha in sial a man” is less about sycophancy as it is about courtesy.

People like to sneer upon it, though. I have met people who think that this is an outdated and outmoded phrase. Well-placed words will win you cattle, I suppose. The phrase is from pre-money Mizoram economy so you replace what you need. The baseline is you choose your words properly, you gain favour.

This leads to people translating the phrase to mean chamcha giri. You fall all over yourself, kiss people’s ass and you get your job done. This is deplorable so I do understand when people sneer at this behaviour. You never want to meet, much less have to deal with, even less compete with, someone who does this.

And it is understandable in this light to then hate on this particular phrase. As long as you take it to mean that. But life is a curious little PR venture. You might have legal power, or money power, or muscle power, but sometimes all of that falls flat if you don’t have soft power. PR. This is when you realise that a little courtesy can go a long way. People are willing to go an extra mile for someone they like or respect. In the same way they are willing to risk censure for someone they loathe. 

And people can be, let’s put it this way, very creative.

A wise person understands that civility can calm temperamental people. That a show of gentility can make a person think more of you than you are. That, as with the Rings of Kula among Polynesian tribes, gift-giving is reciprocal, even when it is not commensurate. I believe in English, people say about gift: it is the thought that counts. All jokes aside, it really is. In an office, you are so very much more predisposed to move the file of someone you share kuhva with than someone who chide you for eating kuhva. It is what it is. If you’re smart about it, you accept it. Fighting this is not a hill you should fancy dying on.

Of course, there are always people who pervert this polite, dainty gesture to further their own causes. I have in my adult life realised that some people would not only do what it takes for them to survive, but also throw others, not just under the bus, but actively to the wolves, to ensure their own welfare. I find this despicable. But again, it is what it is. For them, the phrase is definitely about sycophancy. However, I would add that insincerity does not last. People usually recognise empty flattery for what it is, sooner or later. Besides, Karma will find them.

There is another phrase that comes to mind: “Mi kuta rul kaw zen”. I am not the best translator so I would just put it as attempts to reach into a snake’s burrow using someone else’s arm. It’s very straight-forward. Not much explanation needed in terms of advisory warnings. Basically, beware cowards.

And beware sycophants.

Funny thing is, they’re usually the same people.

Cowards are very dangerous people, come to think of it. Tivolians come to mind. Another topic for another day!

Kula

There is a Bible verse¹ that says a bribe concealed in the cloak pacifies great wrath. I think people are very well versed in this. Even if they didn't know it was in the Bible. Because it’s very basic social survival skills, I realise as I navigate adulthood. If you aren’t familiar with this and/or aren’t good at it, you don’t get very far at all. Raw skills and education can really only take you so far.

In Sociology, we learned about Kula Rings as practiced by the Trobriand Islanders in Polynesia, observed and studied by Bronislaw Manilowski. Very interesting. I forget the details. It’s not that important anymore outside of college. But the basic principles have remained impressed in my head. 

Gift-giving.

The Trobrianders exchange gifts symbolically and make a big deal out of it. The ritual gifts itself are mostly cowrie shells; not that big a deal at face value and in themselves, possibly not worth anything in the vicinity of the soap-sized rubies Nita Ambani wore as a necklace for the pre-wedding festivities of Anant Ambani and Radhika Merchant. But what these jewelry and the gifting of them symbolize has ensured the goodwill and tradition, culture and rituals of these Polynesian tribes for I don’t even know how long.

It's such a subtle but powerful art. You scratch my back, I scratch yours. You give something, you get something. It is very hard to not return something else in kind, of commensurate value, when people have gifted you something. If you, the recipient, does not know enough to return the favour, you’re rather uncouth. No wonder Proverbs already talked about this. Bribes, sure, but in kinder words, it also said ‘a gift given in secret soothes anger’. Which is very true. 

But I guess we also find people who look at gift horses in the mouth. Or bite the hands that feed it. Very ungrateful. And ultimately, stupid. Borderline insane, I’d say. You can’t be very wise if you don’t weigh out consequences to actions. But I guess in life, too many adults are penny wise, but pound foolish. This way, many people have won battles but lost entire wars. And they don’t even know it.

I’m rather amused at the amount of clichés I’ve used in this blog. But they just came to me. And it would have been a waste to not use them. Recent events really have got me to think about all these actions and consequences. I have also ended up procrastinating on a number of things. Eh. I guess I’ll burn those bridges when I get to them; after all, at this point it’s all just spilled milk under the bridge. No?

¹Proverbs 21:14 - A gift given in secret soothes anger, and a bribe concealed in the cloak pacifies great wrath.