Kardashian Vibe Club

We weren’t always called this. We once called ourselves something a lot more serious, a name that carried a lot more gravitas. But now, we have settled on Kardashian Vibe Club.

The Kardashians are famous people. They belong to two sects – the Kardashians and the Jenners, although all subscribe to the umbrella term: Kardashians. They look similar which could be a result of both genetics and plastics. Attractive to an obscene degree, they command a staggering power over social media. If you don’t know the Kardashians, you don’t know pop culture of the 2000s as well as you might think you do.

Now, vibes. Vibes is just a feeling, something you channel.

What do the Kardashians channel? Confidence. Mega-confidence. That is incredibly admirable. I’ve seen grown ass men and senior officers tremble in the presence of dignitaries of this small state, shaking like I imagine Queen Gertrude did when Prince Hamlet accosted her. I cannot imagine any of the Kardashians ever quivering out of shame or fear. In deference to anyone. I have to respect that.

We are four people in this club. Let’s go alphabetical order even though I am not giving out names. The Masons don’t know anything about secret clubs compared to The KVC. One, tiny little Sucker-Punch you never see coming; will recoil at dirty jokes and then immediately proceed to add two more lines to make it dirtier. Two, my fellow Anxiety-Pickle; will joke about mass genocide and then muse on the Karma being released into the Universe. Three, the Paradox; looks one way, acts another way, forever blunt, forever loyal. Four, me.

Why did we choose The KVC over the genteel name we’d settled on before? I believe it had something to do with one day discussing how the best thing we ever learnt from young adult life was to faff. If college life never taught you to lie, or to evade the truth just enough, or to project a false image, or to improv the ever living f*ck out of life, you did not have a good education. We at The KVC believe we had a good education.

We have used education every single day of our lives since.

The KVC ultimately is about goals. The amazing and perfect name we had before was about who we were. But we as humans should always grow and develop. We need aspirations. Mega-Confidence is the aspiration. Or failing that, a projection of it.

You might think this was a Membership Drive. But no. This is just me informing you of this super exclusive club. Form your own, by all means. But of course, The Kardashian Vibe Club is taken.