For Love

He told me the sex happens at page 50. In Mills & Boon novels. The ones that have sex scenes in them. Either it happens at page 50, he said, or it never happens throughout the book.

It did not pique my curiosity so I did not research it for proof. It could probably be true. I don’t know. Maybe someone could check and report back. Basic statistics. If it happens in X number of M&B novels (and doesn’t in Y, as well, I suppose), maybe we could make a hypothesis of it?

I grew out of M&B novels at a young age. Maybe I started too early. But I was jaded quite early. It is a different level of fantasy world building, isn’t it, the world of M&B romances? Not very dissimilar to fairy-tales and romcoms/chick flicks so popular in the 90s movie scene. Just as ridiculous. Just as operating on the similar suspension of belief. Just as feel good, too.

There used to be someone named Matluangi who translated M&B romances in Mizo and published these works in cyclostyle books in the 90s. Who was that woman with such dedication to the genre? Very admirable. Maybe it lost audience, though, because I don’t see those anymore these days. Or maybe I don’t see them because I stopped reading Mizo novels. Mizo novels are always the same. High juxtapositions of morals. Black and white absolutes. Lofty dialogues. And almost unfailingly, central to the story would be a romance. After some time, you get tired of the formula.

Some romances indeed are done right in Mizo stories. Sialton Official comes to mind. Now that was unrequited love done right. Well, not unrequited, exactly. More like ill-fated. But S.O. is a rarity. Most other novels are very formulaic. And humour-less. They be boring.

That was also my biggest issue with M&B stories. They were all the same. You read ten M&B books and you’ve read them all. All.

But consider Hamlet’s love for Ophelia, then Edmond Dantes’ for Mercedes and later Haylie, then The Little Prince and the Rose Red, and speaking of roses – The Doctor’s for Rose Tyler and later River Song, then Mondler’s evolution from Monica/Richard, or HIMYM’s Ted and Robin. Different ways to love different people. What is the right way to fall in love? What is the right way to stay in love? I doubt even Pablo Neruda could rhapsodise in its entirety.

Maybe the sex happens at page 50. Maybe it doesn’t. Does it matter?