October had been long nights and endless working hours where after a time, I couldn’t tell days apart and only referred to days as today, yesterday and tomorrow. Schedules began to only have temporal and spatial values as in I registered I had to be in DC Conference Hall at 1PM tomorrow but I had no inkling as to what I must be there for.
At some point, I semi-freaked. I was angry all the time. I wanted to rant and rave. I wanted to break something. I didn’t act on these impulses though, and I thought I was the bee’s knees for it.
Fortunately for me, the tide turned. My furious rage dissipated. I didn’t feel quite so tired and aching. I was laughing again. Even my acne break-out stopped spreading and began to heal slowly. I couldn’t tell you exactly when it was this started because work-wise, the pace was building up all the time, culminating into a fever pitch around the last fortnight of October. But I think a huge contributing factor was the people I was working with.
I like to think I am a good person but I would be the first to admit that I have never really been a nice one. Which is ironic because in the face of not knowing how to label me kindly, a lot of people have called me nice. Perhaps I am a better actor than I give myself credit for. Aside from niceness, another thing I have never really been is even-tempered.
But my bosses while I was helping to sort out Postal Ballots in Aizawl? Different makes and models.
One night a few nights before poll, we were sitting and drinking tea after a particularly trying and haranguing day. From early morning till the sun went down, we had been accosted nonstop by people who wanted to blame the sins of the world on our team. They didn’t shout back and it was frustrating me but I hadn’t wanted to be the bitch who screamed at people while her bosses were silent, so I had even removed myself from the space during the day. Reviewing the day’s progress after dinner and during that tea I mentioned earlier, one of them (by now visibly disturbed with hair like the Potters’) said: I think I almost yelled at some of the people today. The other mused: Same; but I think I should give myself the night. If I am still angry tomorrow, I think my anger would be justified.
In perfect seriousness.
I frowned at my tea and thought to myself: who even are you people?!
You know the outcome of it though? I could work in peace. And when I worked, I hope I was productive. I have a lot of lessons to learn, I know, but it’s not one I think will take immediate effect. Over time, I hope I can reach some level of their zen. Not all though. They say artists need to be a little mad. And I like writing. A lot of my writing is fueled by anger and hate, processed as comedy. Maybe I’ll hope to keep that spark. But the viciousness? Well, I sort of like that too. Maybe the temper can go. I don’t think I’ll miss it. My anger spoils my day as much as it spoils the people I snap at and perhaps as much as it also spoils my reputation.
Speaking of, I can’t wait for Reputation (Taylor’s Version). I am sure the aesthetic would be gorg on a sweatshirt. Or a tiny tee.
Anyhoo. I digress. I just meant to say physical duress is sometimes a must. Especially for a government servant in India during Elections. But when the mental stress level is absent, it is a marvel what your body is capable of. It just keeps going! Amazing artwork. It’s like Psalms said: I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
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