In Pursuit of Happiness

What is this life if, full of care, the poet asked, we have no time to stand and stare? It was true in 1911 when W H Davies wrote it to begin his muse on Leisure. It is true today. We just forget to stand and stare every once in a while.

Navigating life is difficult. We are no islands, just thriving on our own in the middle of oceans. We are social beings, interacting with multiple people and seemingly endless varieties of beings and circumstances. But however social we are, there is a part of us that yearns to find meaning and contentment that does not rest on us being social. That indefinable something that is ours alone. Although I suppose indefinable mostly because there is no one stop solution that fits all, and all of us define it in our own ways – the pursuit of happiness, so to speak.

In a close-knit and community-based society as mine is, it is hard to find the courage to define this happiness for ourselves. Most people are extremely eager – zealous might be a better word – to define it for us. Get married, get a child, get a job, get a house, buy some land, buy a car, a bike, an iPhone, gold jewelry… endless lists. Like we have been sent here on earth to fulfil an already-defined role the way Mario is programmed to go on a quest to defeat Bowser and his ilk and rescue Princess Peach.

But are we Mario? And if we are, who is Bowser and where is Princess Peach? We grow up to find that we are no Marios, there is no Bowser and Princess Peach is an illusion. Ecclesiastes was always right: everything under the sun is meaningless. It has always been up to us to define what meaning we choose to assign to things, people and situations. To Life itself. Choice: that’s what it always comes down to – from Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden to Apostle John in his nightmare of a revelation.

To be or not to be, as the bard would say.

I think it was that mood-killer Nietzsche who warned us to be careful while fighting monsters that we do not become one ourselves, because when we gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes back into us. As young men, we fight injustice and inequality with society (and religion usually) as our weapon of choice and the Abyss stares back quietly at us and watch us in the process become that very institution which we fought. Sometimes the years reveal this in people; sometimes even Age never uncovers this veil. What is interesting is that sometimes we may not even be actively fighting monsters but just abiding with society’s biddings to avoid conflict so much so that we get to a point where we become as one with it, losing our own selves in the process. This is perhaps the part where we start obsessing with others, measuring ourselves and our worth solely against theirs, hating the Freedom we think they have, needing to have them acquiesce and be one of us, misery loving and desiring the company. The Abyss doesn’t just stare back; it winks.

Ecclesiastes says there is nothing new in this earth, that what once was will be again. I think this is very true of Life. The more things change, the more they remain exactly the same. We have always wanted to belong, and we have always wanted to come into our own. To find a balance, I would say then, is our alchemist’s gold. Like Santiago would find, when you want something bad enough, the whole Universe would conspire to help you get it. But you need to define your Purpose and start the journey, be that Andalusian shepherd boy who travelled to Egypt to find treasures. There are some adventures you must undertake alone, helped and aided by your support system very much yes, but essentially alone. That sweet spot between being a part of the System and being your own Self at the same time is a delicate balance. Unfortunately, I find this to be a battle most of us in Society deem not worth the fight or the hassle.

We lose ourselves in the system, think we are bigger than we are, or smaller than we are. Yet we do not introspect and our self-awareness becomes limited to a Mirror Image alone of how we think other people see us. We stop to stand and stare at the places in the woods where squirrels hide their nuts, forget to gaze for long at streams full of stars in broad daylight, like skies at night, never pausing long enough to watch the smile in people’s eyes reach their lips. Finding ourselves is a time-consuming and life-altering process and we can get by OK without any true measure of self-actualization so a lot of us don't even try. Ever consumed with the need to be who we think people want us to be, we forget to be us.

To paraphrase the poet again, a poor life this indeed is if, full of care, we have no time to stand and stare.