Images

There is a framed photo that is always displayed prominently in my house. It features my parents on their wedding day. But it’s been doctored, so much so that they have been lifted off of the church premises and superimposed on a faded pink rose that is itself somehow superimposed atop a random lake. So to sum up, it is a picture of a couple standing on a rose in the middle of a lake. Perhaps not very realistic and even romantically, not the most idealistic of aesthetics.

There is a story behind this picture. At one point in our family history, we lived in West Kidwai Nagar in New Delhi in one of the government residence quarters. Sarojini Nagar was only a few minutes walking distance from the house. So we were often there. We always ended up with cheap clothes and cheap everything that is characteristic of visiting one too many flea markets but that is another story for another day.

Sarojini Nagar market also had a shop called Paul’s Photo Studio. In the days when we still had to take pictures on specialized machines called cameras and then produce the reel to developers like cavemen, we often visited Paul’s. One day, my father was talking to the man behind the counter. The man was enthusiastically telling him about the wonders of Photoshop and how he could touch up old pictures, colour the B&W ones, remove age spots off of prints and whatever else. This was how we ended up with a lot of our old pictures retaken by Paul’s. My father often looked for good photos filled with memories to “re-snap”. We have a bunch of those, like a nice coloured picture of my grandmother, and two very random ones of Mother Teresa and Billy Graham – three framed photos, by the way, that are also always displayed in our home.

One of the Whatever Elses that Paul’s boasted of was the ability to recreate photos in such a way as to make them magical. And fantastical. And all levels of wonderful artistic mastery. He convinced my father that if he could get his hands on his wedding picture, he would have a very satisfied client in his hands. My father, for all his cynicism, is also an eternal optimist and always been naively superstitious and believing. So that is how we ended up with my parents on their wedding day, standing on top of a random pink rose on top of a random lake. Aside from the ridiculousness of the concept art, it’s not even good Photoshop.

Dad sent my sister and I to go pick it up one day. We laughed so hard it offended him. Them, actually – Paul’s photo genius artist and my father, both. But what was done was done. Not only was the photo printed, but it had also been framed with the option of it hanging off of a wall or standing on a flat surface. We refuse to bury such a treasure. Hence the prominent display.

It often makes me smile. In these, the days of easy recording and editing on smartphones, we have not visited a studio – Paul’s or otherwise – in a long time. And today, in this carefully curated world of IG aesthetics, your impossibly long legs and noses that have disappeared from being too heavily filtered, not to mention Kardashian beauty standards that have come home to our pages superimposed on our faces, this photo is a testament to remind me that not everything I see in a photo is real.

And that not all edits are desirable.

An Angry Worker Bee Am I

It is a truth universally acknowledged, isn’t it, that stress is not a contributor to productivity. I’ve realized in the past month just how true this was.

October had been long nights and endless working hours where after a time, I couldn’t tell days apart and only referred to days as today, yesterday and tomorrow. Schedules began to only have temporal and spatial values as in I registered I had to be in DC Conference Hall at 1PM tomorrow but I had no inkling as to what I must be there for.

At some point, I semi-freaked. I was angry all the time. I wanted to rant and rave. I wanted to break something. I didn’t act on these impulses though, and I thought I was the bee’s knees for it.

Fortunately for me, the tide turned. My furious rage dissipated. I didn’t feel quite so tired and aching. I was laughing again. Even my acne break-out stopped spreading and began to heal slowly. I couldn’t tell you exactly when it was this started because work-wise, the pace was building up all the time, culminating into a fever pitch around the last fortnight of October. But I think a huge contributing factor was the people I was working with.

I like to think I am a good person but I would be the first to admit that I have never really been a nice one. Which is ironic because in the face of not knowing how to label me kindly, a lot of people have called me nice. Perhaps I am a better actor than I give myself credit for. Aside from niceness, another thing I have never really been is even-tempered.

But my bosses while I was helping to sort out Postal Ballots in Aizawl? Different makes and models.

One night a few nights before poll, we were sitting and drinking tea after a particularly trying and haranguing day. From early morning till the sun went down, we had been accosted nonstop by people who wanted to blame the sins of the world on our team. They didn’t shout back and it was frustrating me but I hadn’t wanted to be the bitch who screamed at people while her bosses were silent, so I had even removed myself from the space during the day. Reviewing the day’s progress after dinner and during that tea I mentioned earlier, one of them (by now visibly disturbed with hair like the Potters’) said: I think I almost yelled at some of the people today. The other mused: Same; but I think I should give myself the night. If I am still angry tomorrow, I think my anger would be justified.

In perfect seriousness.

I frowned at my tea and thought to myself: who even are you people?!

You know the outcome of it though? I could work in peace. And when I worked, I hope I was productive. I have a lot of lessons to learn, I know, but it’s not one I think will take immediate effect. Over time, I hope I can reach some level of their zen. Not all though. They say artists need to be a little mad. And I like writing. A lot of my writing is fueled by anger and hate, processed as comedy. Maybe I’ll hope to keep that spark. But the viciousness? Well, I sort of like that too. Maybe the temper can go. I don’t think I’ll miss it. My anger spoils my day as much as it spoils the people I snap at and perhaps as much as it also spoils my reputation.

Speaking of, I can’t wait for Reputation (Taylor’s Version). I am sure the aesthetic would be gorg on a sweatshirt. Or a tiny tee.

Anyhoo. I digress. I just meant to say physical duress is sometimes a must. Especially for a government servant in India during Elections. But when the mental stress level is absent, it is a marvel what your body is capable of. It just keeps going! Amazing artwork. It’s like Psalms said: I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Police Fanu, Police Nupui by Lalrinmawii Pialtu

(As published in Mizoram Police Wives Welfare Association souvenir magazine, 2023, reproduced here on the occasion of her birthday, with love)

January 12, 1984 khan L H Shanliana, a hun laia DSP Lunglei nen Chhinga Veng Presbyterian Biakin ah inneiin Mizoram Police chhungkuaah ka lut a. Hei hi ka Police experience hmasa ber a ni lo thung a. Ka pa hi Assam Police ah Constable a ni thin a, Saron Veng-a Police Lane hi ka seilenna a ni thin ani. Khatiang hun lai khan Police Lane-a awm te kha naupang tan chuan kan chhungte vek emaw kan tih hial khawpin kan in tlawhpawh nasa a, kan in chhung ani.

Ka han tleirawl chho a, kum 1972 khan ka thiannu in Matric hi mi an fail nasa a, vawi hnih vawi thum exam nawn a ngai thin si a, tiin Matric zir lova Synod hnuaia Durtlangah Nursing zir dil dun turin min hmin a. Kan han dil ta ngei a, vanneih asiamin min la ve mai bawk a. Domestic Science ka lo lak thin avangin Nursing tak chu a awlsam a, mahse subject dang Anatomy, Physiology leh adt. erawh min zirtir chipchiar ta em em mai a. Sikula kan zir aia nasa daih khan lehkha kan zir leh ta si chu in ngaihtuah nawn leh rauh rauh chang a tam ta phian a. Hetianga nasa hian zir ila chu Matric te chu kan pass awm tho sia, te ka ti leh ta hnuhnawh rum rum ani.

Durtlangah hian Nursing chungchang engmah hre lovin ka lut a. Hospital te min fan kual pui thin a. Nurse puitling chauhin Nurse lukhum an khum thin avang khan ward-a kal vel te hian lukhum kan khum ve an phal lo a, lukhum tel lova ward han kal te kha kan zak thin a. Thla thum a ral chuan exam te kan pass a, lukhum min khumtir (capping) ve a, duty nuam kan ti hle ani. Nursing in a ken tel a nih vangin tenchhiat te, dawih te kha a tulna in min nan chuan engmah a lo ni lo. Night Duty ngaih chang te a lo awm a, hlen loh theih a ni si lo, ka thiannu pakhat (amah chu Police nurse a ni zui lehnghal a) phei chu a night duty hi a hma lamah khawnvar, a hnung lamah torchlight kengin a kal kual thin a. Heti khawpa zanthim hlau thin si khan a mawhphurna chu a hlen chhuak vek thin tho a, a zahawmin a fakawm ka ti a. Mihring te hi kan tlakna mual mual a par mai tur kan ni tih hi min ngaihtuah tir thin ani. Khatih hunlaia Operation Theatre (OT) hmanruate hi disposable plastic kan hmang ngai lo a. OT hmanruate hi kan chhum thianghlim a ngai thin a, a chhumna tur hi thukin mei kan tuah thin ani. Chhum rei a ngaih avangin chhun duty te awlsam zawk nan Night Duty ten mei kan lo chhem lawk a, kan lo chhum tan diam thin ani. Hnathawhna reng rengah hian thawhho thatna (teamwork) pawimawhzia a tilang chiang hle ani.

Nursing chu ka han zir chhuak ve a. Kan batch ah hian mi sawmpanga (15) kan lut a, sawmpali (14) in kan zir chhuak thei ani. Ka zirpuite, kan batch ho, te nen hian tun thlengin unau ang maiin kan la awm a, kan in ngaina hle ani. Ward ah hian ka duty tam lo hle a, kum thumna atang khan OT ah chauh ka awm a. Mi pawhin nurse ka ni ve tih te hi an lo hre vak lo thin ani. Midwife anga nau ka chhar kha OT pawn lama ka duty ve chhun a ni mai awm e. Nurse ka zir chhuah hma hian Matric pass lo nih kha nuam ka ti lova, Nursing 3rd year ka zir kumin private in Matric chu ka han sual leh a, Pathian zarah Matric leh Nursing chu ka zo rual ta ani. A kawng kual thei ang ber ka zawh ta anih ber chu!

Durtlangah ka awm lai hian thiamthil hrang hrangin ka in tuak a, ka in chawm thin a. Mi nau kawr thui te, thawmhnaw leh mawza leh thildang phiar te, lukham kawr leh rawmawl embroidery-a chei mawi te, puan tah thlengin hun awl hnawh khah leh pawisa intuak nan ka ti thin a. Tun thleng hian heng thiamthil neih hi a hlu ka la ti a, mihring te tan thiamthil engemaw tal han zir hi a thlawn ngai lo ka la ti ani.

Synod hnuaiah hian nurse hna kum khat ka thawk a. Khawhai (tuna Khawzawl district chhung) ah Synod in Dispensary a nei thin a. Heta duty tur hian thla thum te te kan in kal chhawk thin ani. Kum 1979 a ni a, ram a la buai a. Kan huntawn te a harsa in a khirh chung chung khan Dispensary ah damdawi dah anih avang khan kal tho a ngai si a. Krismas laiin dispensary enkawl tu pangai te Aizawl lamah ah an haw laiin han thlak a ngai leh a, thlak turin kan kal leh ta a. Thlasik tir atang khan Khawhai ah Sentut (Measles) a lo leng a, dispensary-a damdawi kha vanduaithlak takin a lo expire tawh bawk a, naupang hi ni khatah pahnih pathum te an lo thi tawh thin ani. Mangang takin tih theih dang awm ta si lo chu damdawi thi kan kawl mek Ephedrine injection chu kan hmang ta ngawt a. Pathian in zah a ngai a, mi tam takin an dam phah hlauh mai a. Kan han thlen chinah naupang pakhat chiah kan chan ta a. Pathian hian hmanrua hman theih loh a lo nei lo a, damdawi thi tawh pawh A hmang thei ani tih hi ka rilru ah a thi thei lo ani.

OT Duty ah hian Emergency kaihhnawih a lo tam em em a, zanlaiah te tlaivar thak tea mi zai ngaih changte a lo awm a. Zo ka in tih chiah loh avangin Synod-ah tho a sang zawk zir ka dil leh a. Ka vannei a, Vellore ah Public Health ka zir chhunzawm min phal sak ve leh ta mai a. Vellore a kan thleng thla chu Mizoram chauha lehkha zir tan chuan tawng lamah harsatna ka han tawk nghal a. Hindi tlem ka thiam te pawh IV Grade leh hna hnuaihnung lamin an thiam si lo, engemaw ti tiin diploma certificate ka sual chhuak thei hram a. Kan tih ngei ngei ngai, mi ina kal kuala duty-na Home Visit neih changte hian kan sawi tur hi Mizo tawngin ka ziak chhuak a, English in ka let leh a. Ka lehlin sa chu kan Lecturer ten Tamil tawngin min leh chhawn sak leh a, ka zir leh thin a. Kan zirpui Tamil mite ai letin harsatna ka nei ta thin a. A hma ang bawkin Matric kha lo sual ila chuan khatih lai chuan hna te a la awlsam a, sorkar hna ka thawk daih tawh awm si a, ka ti leh tan ta a. Mahse hetiang te hi Pathian-in ka tawn turah min lo duan sak ani tih ka pawm tawh a, “Ni Ta Se” tih suangtuah fo hi mihring te tan thil tha ber a lo ni lo a, rilru hnualna leh midang awhna min siamsak tu a lo ni thin ani.

Hemi hnu hian Sorkar-ah chuan Public Health Sister-in ka lut ta tho a. Ka han service a, ka posting hmasa ber chu Lawngtlai ah a ni a. Public Health lam ka zir avangin School Health min enkawl tir a. District kha ka fan chhuah a ngai ka ti bawk a. Ka vanneih asiamin ka patea Dr Chalruala khan an Vety motor-in an bial fan pahin min hruai thin a, hahdam takin ka fang chhuak thei thin thung ani. Hetih hunlai hian Saiha (Siaha kan tih tak hma) ah hlawh lak a ngai thin a. Lawngin Chhimtuipui (Kolodyne) kan a ngai thin a. Tui a len lai phei chuan miin “Lawng chuan man hi cheng sawmnga (50) a kai chuan a risky lutuk, a hlauhawm, chuan ngam chi a ni lo,” an ti thin a. Hetih lai hian a tulna in min nang thin bawk a, kan thawhpui ICDS ho nen tuipui ferry-ah lawngin cheng sawmnga pawha mi an kal ngam tawh loh lai khan cheng sawmruk (60) chawi te in Chhimtuipui kan kai ta thin a. Pathian khawngaihna avangin him dam takin hlawh te kan la ve thei thin ani. Thingtlanga seilian te ka nih loh avangin thingtlang nun te zir chawp a lo ngai a, a tulna avangin nau chhar harsa ang te, episiotomy ngai te pawh tawngtai chungin kan chhar a, hmanrua tlemna thingtlanga nau piang hlim enkawl te, harsatna tam tak karah pawh experience manhla tak tak ka nei chho ta ani. Ka ngaihtuah thin tak chu kan huntawng reng reng hi in zirna tha tak leh nun ti hausa tu an lo ni ta zel thin ani, tih hi ani.

Kum 1983 chho ah hian Sorkar in Civil Hospital, Aizawl ah Nursing School a din a. Chuvang chuan Public Health Sister a awm sa zawng zawng kha Tutor ah an seng lut ta vek a. Post ruak hnawh khah theih loh chhung kha a awm ta a. Hemi Sorkar insingsak lai hian thla ruk chhung Staff Nurse angin ka awm a, August 1983 khan Public Health Sister ni turin Lunglei ah min la phei a. Hetah hian ka pasal ni ta nen intawngin 1984 ah kan innei a. Chhangchhe chungin ka han thawk ve zel a. Police transfer te a lo zing a, Aizawl Civil Hospital-ah Tutor te, Public Health Sister Lunglei ang te in ka han awm leh lawp lawp a. Mahse kan chhungkaw awm ho theihna tur khan midang tan harsatna kan siam ve zel a, in lama fate enkawl ka duh bawk nen, kum 1989 ah ka nurse hna ka bansan zui ta ani.

Battalion leh Training School te, F&ES lamah te, CID lamah te ka pasal posting ah kan chhungkuain kan kal ve ta zel a. Hmun tam taka kan kal hi a lehlamah chuan chhungkua ah buai viau thin mah ila, thenrual tha kan siam a, kan ngah phah a. Kan awm tawh na ten midang aiin min duhsak bik ta emaw tih tur khawpin duhsakna kan dawng thin a, khawi Battalion leh Unit ah pawh kal ila duhsakna kan dawng zel thin a. Health Worker School ah te Tutor in ka lo awm ve tawh thin bawk a, khaw tinah Health Worker te duhsakna te pawh kan dawng zel a. Kan kawng zawh tur hi Pathianin min lo hriat sak a, min lo duan sak vek zawk ani tih hi ka hrechiang chho telh telh ta ani.

Kum 1997 khan Mualvum 1st IR Bn. ah kan han pem lut leh a. Pi Lalsangpuii w/o Lalchhunga, IPS (a hun laia IGP) hovin Mizoram Police Wives’ Welfare Association (MPWWA) chu August 14, 1998 ah Police Headquarters (PHQ) ah din ani a. MPWWA hi Police family te tana tangkai beisei naa kan din ani a, a dintute zingah ka tel thei hi ka lawm hle ani. Hemi kum vek hian Mualvumah pawh MPWWA kan lo ding ve nghal a. Tun thlenga a theih na ang anga min lo la hria a, chanvo pawimawh min la pe thin hi ka lawm hle ani.

Kan hotute kaihhruaina hnuaiah Battalion tinah hma kan han la ta a. Ka rilrua lian ber ta reng chu Lucky Ticket siamin puanthui khawl kan lei a, unit thenkhatah kan sem chhuak thei kha ani. Puanthui zirna te kan hawng a, Police family tam takin eizawnna kan nei thei a, a lawmawm hle ani. Hetiang bakah hian sum tuak na atan pickle siam te, maipawl sweet (petha) siam te, pangpar bouquet siam te kan han hmang ta thin a. Flower arrangement te, puan tah kawngah te pawh hma kan la leh a, puan tah zir tak hi chu a tlawlh ta deuh a. Mahse vuina tur a awm lo a, hma kan lakna zawng zawng te hi a hlawhtling vek thei lo a, hlawhtlin loh chang a awm pawha beidawn loh min zirtir tu te pawh a lo alo ni tho ta ani. Kan hmalakna te a hlimawm thin a, a thenah harsatna te, sawisel hlawhna te kan han tawrh ve thin te chu hrehawm mahse hlawhtlinna min thlen thin tho avangin a lawmawm ta tho ani. MPWWA te hian tawngtai ho nate kan han nei a, chhungkua buaina leh tawnthar te kan in share tawn a, kan in ngaihthlak sak a, kan in tawngtai pui thin te hi rilru ti zangkhaitu leh ti nuam tu a ni fo thin reng ani.

Mizoramah kan awm reng thei lo a, promotion avangin 2008 atangin Delhi leh Arunachal Pradesh lamah te kan han awm chhuak lawp lawp a. Hetiang hunah hian MPWWA a ngaihawm thin hle ani. Amaherawhchu Police family kan han ni ringawt pawh hi mi thenkhat ten kan hriat phak bakin min lo thlamuan pui a, Delhi kan awm chhung pawhin hnamdang karah harsatna tawk, tanpui ngai ten kan pasalte an hrilh ngam loh pawh min lo hrilh ngam thin a. Kan phak tawkah harsatna sutkian theih te a lo awm a, a lo tangkai hle ani.

Arunachal Pradesh-ah phei chuan Police family nih pawh in hre chang lo lekin kohhran rawngbawlna ah kan inhmang a. A ram mi ten Kristian te an nekchepna karah Police an thlamuanpui vangin Police family pawn lamah Pathian thu ah te rawngbawlna zau zawk leh midangte puihna chance te kan nei a, kan rinna pawh a ti chak hle in kan hria ani.

Heng hun kan hman chhung zawng hian kan hotuten MPWWA chak tak leh hlawk takin an lo kal pui zel a. Kum 2016 ah Mizorama kan lo haw leh chuan PHQ ah changtlung takin puanthuina building te kan lo nei tawh a. Chumi hnuah kan DGP nupuite thahnem ngaihna in office tur pawh PHQ ah room te min pe a, computer te min pe bawk a, kan changtlung sawt ta hle ani. Khatiang rawngbawlna hrang hrangah ka tel thei kha ka lawm a, ka pasal a pension hnuah phei chuan a lo lunglenthlak bawk hle si ani.

Hun pawimawh tam tak police hmunah kan hmang a. Kum 1998 December thlaa arsi tlak tum te khan Mualvum IR Battalion hmun ah kan awm a, arsi tla en ngei tumin pawnah thutthlengte la chhuakin sentry guard te nen van lam kan hawi thap a. Kum 1990 chho velah Police Training Centre, Lungverh ah kan awm thin lai te khan ramhuai chanchin an sawi nasa thin a, hlau bawk si, hre chak bawk si in kan ngaithla a. Gospel Camping te an han buatsaih a, Harhna kan chan chang te pawhin Police Kohhran ang khan kan lam mup mup thin a. Hunpui ah changel hnahah ruai te kan han theh a, a chang leh battalion area-ah Mela te kan chhim a, ranvulh leh thlai chenin hma kan han la bawk a. Khatiang hun te kha an liam tawh nangin rilru ah a thar fo a, thawnthu angin kan la sawi fo thin ani.

Kum sawmli dawn lai ka pasal service chhungin Mizoram Police chhungkuaah hun kan hmang a, ka nuna thil thleng pawimawh tam tak pawh Police family chhungah a lo ni ta a. Fa pali ka nei a, anni pawh keimah ang thovin police family ah an lo thang chho a. Pension hnu lamah pawh tun thleng hian police chhungkua atanga in ngaih mikhual hi harsa kan ti ta zel ani.

Engpawh nise, Pathian kutah kan in dah hian kan him ani, tih hi ka rinna nghet a ni ta reng a. Kan hriat phak bakin kan kalkawng zawh tur te Pathianin min hriat sak a, min lo ruahman sak thin ani. Kan hun tawngte kan duh ang diak diaka a kal loh chang pawhin Pathianin rem min ruat sak a nei a ni ang, tih te hi pawm thiam a lo tul hle a lo ni. MPWWA te hmalam hun pawh Pathian kutah awm se, a member tin te tan pawh MPWWA hi tlukluhna tlak a lo nih theih te hi ka beisei a, ka duhsak ani.

He Bible chang hian ka thu ziah te kan han ti tawp ang e:

“Nangni lama ka rilru putzia chu ka inhre si a,

In hun hnuhnung tawpah chuan beiseina pe tur che uin,

Thil tha lo ni lovin,

Thatna ka ngaihtuah asin.”

Jeremia 29:11

Discovering Hell

It’s a good thing I’m not god or that I have any real powers because I very much doubt life would survive overmuch if I were. Free will, for sure, would not. It is a disturbing thought but if I am completely honest, I realise I would not be too opposed to autocracy if I were at the apex. The only thing that puts a pause in me being pro-dictatorship (even if the dictator would be me) is that I also firmly believe that the seed of destruction in any dictatorship lies in the system itself; that authoritarian rules cannot be absolute for long and from the very people being oppressed would be borne a saviour. Inevitable.

The other reason I would not make a very good god is that I am not that brilliant at handing out punishments. It is a sobering thought but I don’t often know people as well as I think I do. Which is very important if you are going to penalize someone because torture is a very strange concept and the same method often does not hold out universally. Even tolerance of pain is different across the multitudes. And of course, some people actively seek out thrill which others would call horror; kinks, as we say.

So what we call embarrassing or deeply terrifying sometimes do not have the same impact on other people. This makes certain prayers quite useless – or at least non-impactful. As in when you pray to god to maybe punish someone by dragging their names through the mud for, say, infidelity or monetary corruption. Clearly that infamy does not bother them because anyone who indulges in those things has already calculated the cost and has made their peace with the possible fallouts.

I’m Christian, so I am partial to: ‘As you sow, so shall you reap’, ‘Vengeance is mine, says the Lord’ and ‘There is nothing hidden that will not be revealed’ as I read them in the Bible. But that’s just a very lengthy, Abrahamic way of saying Karma. Anyhoo, because Karma sees all, Karma also judges all. And when she doles out her judgments, it is hardly ever in the way a mortal brain would expect but when you realise it, you think: of course, it could not have been any other way. Sometimes these penalties are deeply personal and/or incredibly secretive; sometimes all outward appearances would convince the world that sinners and criminals go about scot-free from their crimes because this is their world, but their lives are being eaten up from the inside and corroded from within.

It is hard to not wish harm on some people. Some people are just very disagreeable and generally overall non-likable. You want to maim them; not kill them, you understand, because of the moral implications of it and all the brevity of the retribution et cetera (read with eyeroll). Also if you indulge in these avenging business, Karma will have to sock it to you too and you don’t want to find out what kind of bitch-slap Karma has in reserve for you. In short, you never want to find out what hell is for you. So you do good. And take deep breaths. And hold your tongue. And all those things.

It’s a funny old world we live in. Sometimes I think heaven and hell are already here with us. (Also, sometimes I think it’s a bit like a multiverse, at the cost of sounding very MCU-y, but let’s leave that for another time.)

When Memories Turn To Stories

A few years ago, a middle-aged man I know was travelling to Lunglei from further south. It was the sort of day that was so hot it was loud. Sweat beading and running down the skin, evaporating and making the skin stick to random bits of clothes and dust from god-knows-where kind of a day.

He is not a tall man, possibly standing at 5 feet at a generous estimate. But otherwise, has a lot of reserve strength from having engaged in heavy physical work his whole life. Although he was unwell at the time, a cancer warrior, undergoing treatment.

The first thing he noticed when they seated themselves in the Maxicab – a Sumo, of course – was that he was the only male passenger. He remarked to his wife that he hoped they would have a good ride because if anything should happen, he was useless in dire straits right now and everyone else looked less than Xena in terms of crisis management.

Unfortunately (for him; fortunately for me, because I got a good story out of it; the Germans call this schadenfreude), the Sumo got a flat tire. The driver was this crappy, skinny young man who had forgotten to bring with him a spare tire. The only thing he had with him was a hand pump. He looked at the manual machine and the huge Sumo tire and calculated just how much effort it would take. He was already angry at the future he knew was coming, as surely and as inevitable as tax and/or death.

Just as The Man had feared, he was useless in an exigency at the moment. And the rest of the passengers were women, damsels in distress, in other words. So The Driver had no other choice but to get down to business and manually pump the humongous flat tire of the impressive Sumo. Sweat ran freely down his body like rivulets in the peak of monsoon. Heat rose in him and threatened to consume him like 3PM on a North India peak summer.

Everyone was quiet.

Then finally he proclaimed the tire adequately fixed till they could reach the nearest town. Unable to straighten up all at once, and exhausted from all the pumping, he decided to ask someone to check if the tire was sufficiently air-filled. Just a good thump on the rubber would be enough; he just could not muster the strength himself to do it justice. He looked at the only man in the assembly and rasped: One hit!

The Man knew he was addressing him but he not only was no driver but he had no understanding of tire dynamics. Possibly the only thing he knew was tires are round and filled with air but beyond that? Zero. What could “one hit” mean?

Hesitantly, he walked over to the bent, wheezing man and thumped him solidly on his back!

Dear Reader, imagine the face of The Driver at this moment: tired, angry, hot, sweaty, sticky, alone, bone-weary… and presently assaulted by the one person he would have thought from his gender alone (save for the cancer, of course) was supposed to have helped him pump the damned tire.

And the face of The Man who, immediately upon pummelling his Saviour, realised with sudden, impossible clarity that he had meant: Hit. The. Tire. To. Check. If. It. Was. Filled.

I always laugh at the memory. I hope you enjoyed the story, too.

Sunday Muse: Worship

Amy Farrah Fowler of The Big Bang Theory had this line that I found hilarious: I don't object to the concept of a deity, but I'm baffled by the notion of one that takes attendance.

It often reminds me of a woman I met a long time ago who gave me a conundrum to chew on. She didn’t think of it as such though. For her, it was quite straight forward.

Let’s try to set the scene: Church has decided to embark on Christian Family mission and wants to ensure that all families should try to promote Christian family values. And one of those values is daily Family Worship. In fact, church would go around and ask all families if they have family worship. I think there might even have been a separate register for this. If your family said no, you didn’t have family worship, you guys would be considered weird and outliers.

This woman I met was a church women leader. Following such, she was gung-ho about family worship. To paraphrase her, though: My family is very invested in the importance of daily family worship. But all of us have different engagements all the time and we can’t even eat meals together, leave alone set aside time to sit and pray together, neither in the morning nor at night. But this has not deterred me. Sometimes I’m the only one at Family Worship but it happens every night.

My conundrum therefore is this: Is worship about the attendance?

Now with attendance, I attend church once a week. Anybody else in any novel I ever read would think this was a character that was very church oriented. Not in Mizoram. Not by a long shot. In Mizoram, you're not considered a regular church-goer unless you attend at least 4 times a week. I'm not even kidding. There are 3 services on Sunday. Let's say you attend 2 of those. There’s Wednesday night service and Saturday night service. So that’s 4 (of 5) already. But those are only the services for EVERYONE. It doesn’t make you special. You have to attend one more in a week depending on your station in life, youth on Monday, women on Tuesday, middle-aged men on Thursday. I almost forgot – in between Sunday School and Sunday Afternoon service there’s an additional fellowship service, again depending on your station. Maybe Friday night is the only true Night Off. Friyay indeed.

When I was in SDA Inter-College Roorkee, we attended a lot of church services. Every morning and every evening, we had Hostel Prayers. Quite beyond this, Friday night was Vespers, Saturday morning was Sabbath School, Saturday afternoon was main service, all of them non-optional.

Then in Mount Carmel, Anand Niketan, I again attended hostel prayers every night; in my second year, I was even Chapel-in-Charge! I actually learned to play guitar because of this; I learned a lot of choruses! Sundays we attended church with our hostel warden’s family; our warden’s husband was pastor. I think that was CNI.

Since college, I really haven’t attended a lot of church anymore. It’s not that I have lost faith or anything. It’s just something that has happened. It is what it is.

Add to this my cynical and outspoken nature and a lot of people have asked me point-blank if I was atheist. I really am not. I like the idea of not knowing for absolute certain. It is all in the word: belief. You take something at faith value, pardon the pun. I like for my faith to not be blind and fundamentalist but I take my comfort in short burst of prayers and meditation on Bible verses; Ecclesiastes and the Gospels, usually.

On Bible reading, I don’t know about others but I’ve often heard people say: simply reading the Bible isn’t enough, you have to meditate on them. I respectfully disagree. I have read my favourite books time and again until I can quote them. The Bible is one of those books. When I am sad or lonely or angry, it is passages from these books I’ve familiarized myself with, that comes to the rescue and comfort me. I don’t know the difference between reading and meditating, maybe.

I have wondered, when I was younger, if faith was compatible with science. I no longer do. Where they are compatible, it is wonderful. Where they aren’t, I compartmentalize anyway. It’s alright. It is what it is.

Just to be controversial, and because we’ve talked about Religion and Science in Sunday School for two Sundays now: my take on Evolution v. Creation. I take a lot of the Bible as metaphor; even Jesus always taught in parables, after all. Genesis talked about Creation in seven days. I don’t believe in seven twenty-four hours days creation. But evolution would concur with the general loose theme of how things came into existence in Genesis – the Big Bang of light and everything, everything settling down, life beginning with the plant world, then in the water, then on land, finally culminating in Homo Sapiens, your basic Adam and Eve.

Or the Tower of Babel. Technology and science rise so high that God struck the people and cursed them with a change of language so they can’t communicate. Throughout history, language has changed courses of development dramatically. I believe even now, people are encouraged to learn Chinese? Because while us old British colonial nations still consider English as the language of development, this has not been necessitated by other nations. Interesting. Maybe Babel is about to strike again.

Or Karma. I believe in Karma. Or more biblically, ‘as you sow, so shall you reap’. And that the LORD says ‘Vengeance is mine’. I rest my mind now. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but sometimes we know what some people are truly about, how inherently corrupt they are – either materially or morally or both – but they seem to thrive in the world and people dejectedly think: this world is profitable for sinners. Either that, or sycophantically to their face: God is favouring you so much, look at all your blessings as Signs of Favour. But no, we know so little of people. Karma knows. And Karma doesn’t strike how we wish it would (Job comes to mind) but rather where it hurts people. I’ve had my fair share of bad Karma bitch-slapping me; believe me, I know.

Anyhoo. I digress.

Church Attendance. It is definitely necessary to form your societies, your prayer circles, your pillars of support, your chance to give back to society, your chance to be part of a greater community… Very true. I wholeheartedly agree. But is it the same as worship?

LAYGA

Some people peaked in high school and would never quite fully recover.

 

However, in today’s materialistic culture, unless they occupy some sort of a substantial post, they are more a nuisance than real hazard. It is the people who topped their high school classes, graduated and got the good jobs and now can’t understand a world in which they are not the only smart people that you have to watch out for. Now these are hazards.

Most of us grew up in college and came to the realization that we don’t know jackshit. In fact, the more we kept learning, the more we realized there was even more we didn’t know. It was the shit that kept shatting. We of course do our best to what I call LAYGA – Learn As You Go Along. But that is not a 100% foolproof plan. Some of us have learned better to quietly LAYGA when we are faced with challenges and new adventure. Every adult is just adulting the best way we know how because none of us really know what anyone of us are really doing.

But there are just some people who will always think of themselves as above the hoi polloi. And many people would thoughtlessly agree (because we don’t have time to reflect on things and we mostly just accept Image at face value; that, or to avoid confrontation) even as they sneer at them behind their backs and thank their good fortune they don’t have to be in constant touch with them. Meanwhile, these delulu populace will think about how they did well in school, and earned respectable degrees, and got good jobs that pay well and earned them social status, you know the drill. They will pat themselves on the back for having done everything right.

After a point, all the praise and adulation go in their heads. Somehow they can’t seem to get down from Cloud No. 9. They start thinking of themselves as mini-rajahs and minor-maharanis. Distinguished from the great unwashed. The Elite, as it were.

I think this line of thought is extremely worrisome in a small social and economic backwater of a hill region as Mizoram. I think it also could be a symptom of Insecurity. If I have this Image, people will think it is real. I must work on The Image. It becomes all consuming. And then no one benefits. Because literally no one can know everything and no one person or group can be the best at everything. We have to realise some people know things we don't, so we have to team up and learn from each other. But that is a pipedream. Because with zero self awareness, there is zero growth.

Damn that’s some cynical thoughts so early on a Friday morning! Maybe all of this is just me.

Happy weekend, everyone!